


The Dark Underbelly of Escape and Evade

by Phlebas



Series: Courting Culture Confusion [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Senju Tobirama, Butsuma's A+ Parenting, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Child Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, NO rape, No Sex, Past Child Abuse, Past Child Sexual Assault, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Senju Hashirama is a Good Brother, Senju Tobirama Needs a Hug, Sexual Abuse, Warring States Period (Naruto)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:14:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27696113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phlebas/pseuds/Phlebas
Summary: These are the stories I didn’t tell in Escape and Evade.The stories of Butsuma and how he raised his children.Look carefully at the tags, check the chapter titles, and read with care please.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uzumaki Mito, Senju Tobirama/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Courting Culture Confusion [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021387
Comments: 35
Kudos: 41





	1. Butsuma was a Domestic Abuser

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stop_And_Smell_The_Roses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stop_And_Smell_The_Roses/gifts), [Zanahoria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanahoria/gifts), [KuraKura0_0](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuraKura0_0/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Escape and Evade](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435208) by [Phlebas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phlebas/pseuds/Phlebas). 



I might never explicitly state it, probably because it will be too traumatising for me to write from a first person POV, but Tobirama and Hashirama were raised in an abusive household.

Butsuma was fighting a war, several of his pro-peace faction shinobi were leaving the clan in disagreement with his war hawk policies, the elders were advocating a more aggressive stance to gain territory, he was competing for clients and patrons with Tajima, and he’d just lost two of his kids.

Then his heir started to rebel and set up his own pro-peace faction.

If Hashirama convinced more shinobi to become pro-peace, they would also _leave_. Shinobi fighters are the lifeblood of a clan’s war making machine and the Senju were already smaller than the Uchiha. Butsuma could not allow that.

He couldn’t physically discipline Hashirama - he’d have gotten a wooden stake through the heart on pure defensive instinct and he was smart enough to know that. Plus Hashirama was the golden goose - the prized holder of the mythical Mokuton. His kids would have been worth their weight in gold as alliance pieces.

So he paired up Tobirama and Hashirama.

Tobirama was trained to cover Hashirama’s back in _every way_. It became his job to fix everything that Hashirama did that Butsuma thought was _wrong_. If Butsuma thought that Hashirama was putting so much as a toe out of line, Tobirama was the one who got punished in his stead.

_He was very literally Hashirama’s whipping boy. ___

__This meant that Hashirama did everything he could think of to avoid doing anything wrong and suppressed everything, until he couldn’t control himself anymore and it all burst out._ _

__Then Tobirama got punished in Hashirama’s name._ _

__It was made even worse because Butsuma was unpredictable with his rules. He was a domestic abuser who took out his stress on his kids because he never developed a better outlet, was desensitised to violence, and _they were there_._ _

__Hashirama would have killed Butsuma but Tobirama persuaded him not to. They were kids, no one would follow Hashirama as the clan head, and the Senju would have disbanded leaving them alone with the Uchiha after them as the last Senju._ _

__Tobirama was given a basic education on sealing and jutsu development because Hashirama was betrothed to Mito and it was part of her dowry from Uzushio. Hashirama was too busy to really focus on it - he was being dragged all over to do his heir duties and try to be as good at them as possible to divert punishment from Tobirama._ _

__Tobirama basically spent all his time doing physical training, sensory training, and learning from books. It was a good escape from Butsuma who accepted those as necessary to protect Hashirama and the clan. Tobirama took that education and then started developing new jutsu and seals using the scientific method._ _

__Suddenly the Senju had a whole new export industry._ _

__Then Tobirama was punished every time he _didn’t produce fast enough_._ _

__The only reason this worked out as well as it did in the end, is that Hashirama and Tobirama bonded together. It was them against the world. The rest of the Senju either didn’t see it or didn’t stop it. They only had each other._ _

__When Hashirama tells Madara his dream is of a village where they can protect their little brothers?_ _

__He really means it. There is a reason Konoha has so many parks and lots of wooden buildings, gates, etc. etc. If anything comes for them, the village is going to grow metaphorical wooden fangs and _eat it_._ _

__So they developed their own ways to cope._ _

__Tobirama develops jutsu and seals at the drop of a hat because he had to - it’s a defence mechanism._ _

__Hashirama is so good at healing because he had to heal Tobirama constantly._ _

__Tobirama talks to the worry tree because he can’t tell Hashirama that he’s been punished again - he is too _ashamed_ of what he thinks are his own failures. But Hashirama needs to know so Tobirama can be healed - Hashirama said so._ _

__Hashirama makes sure Tobirama can feel him constantly because Tobirama needs reassurance that his brother is okay, and also because Hashirama would spike his own chakra to warn him when Butsuma was on the warpath._ _

__Tobirama has no ingrained sense of ethics or self-preservation around science, jutsu, or seal development. It was beaten out of him by Butsuma._ _

__Hashirama has to be the judge of what is right or wrong for both of them._ _

__Tobirama copes by pretending that he is perfectly fine and their father was really not that bad - that’s why he still calls Butsuma Chichiue. He refuses to think of himself as a victim because that would mean that he wasn’t strong enough to protect Hashirama. If he says it enough, maybe it will be true. Hashirama hates this._ _

__Hashirama tries really hard to always be happy because distress in his chakra makes Tobirama frantically look around for the problem so he can fix it._ _

__Tobirama defaults to logic because he knows that emotions are terrible, frightening things that cannot be trusted. Butsuma would be towering with rage on the inside but have a smile on his face in public, only to backhand him to the floor the moment they were behind closed doors. He knows what people’s faces say cannot be trusted. He trusts his sensory abilities more. Other people find this intrusive and don’t like him as a consequence, which makes him feel confused and rejected._ _

__Hashirama is terrified that one day he’s going to get angry, snap, and become Butsuma._ _

__Tobirama uses long words in an attempt to be precise so that people can’t misinterpret him like Butsuma used to do so that he’d have an excuse to ‘punish’._ _

__Hashirama funnels all of his long denied protective impulses into overly intrusive fussing._ _

__Tobirama has panic attacks and goes non-verbal because anxiety invokes his flight or fight response and he doesn’t know what to do - he’s paralysed by indecision. This is exactly what happens in this chapter and it’s what Izuna _sees in him_._ _

__Tobirama and Hashirama both live with the deep seated fear that they _will not be good enough_._ _

__Hashirama is terrified of losing Tobirama and being a terrible father._ _

__Tobirama is terrified of making the wrong choices and being punished for it or losing Hashirama as a consequence._ _

__They are both deeply traumatised._ _

__When Hashirama became clan head, he was ruthless in weeding out everyone who ever acted to condone their abuse. All the war hawks that supported Butsuma were given the choice to walk, or stay and support Hashirama’s pro-peace campaign whole heartedly. He’d honestly have preferred that they walk._ _

__Those who hate the Uchiha, but were not willing to fight Hashirama about it, leave._ _

__The war hawks who wanted to stay Senju and fight against the Uchiha for their own personal vengeance attempted a campaign of sabotage, or straight up challenged either Hashirama or Tobirama._ _

__They were defeated and forced to leave the Senju. They became missing nin and attempted a guerrilla war on the Uchiha and, without Senju support, were quickly killed._ _

__Tobirama also fed their names, descriptions, and locations to Izuna during their fights. In his head, those people were no longer Senju, did not enjoy his protection, and were a threat to his brother’s goals. Hashirama would not let him kill them but he believed Izuna would take them as a sign of his willingness to work with the Uchiha._ _

__He was right._ _

__Izuna organised strikes to take them out and was impressed with how far Tobirama was willing to go in giving up potential fighters who might return to the Senju, his ruthlessness, and Tobirama’s ability to rules lawyer around Hashirama._ _

__(Izuna thought of those missing nin as traitors to the Senju because he and Madara would have killed challengers in a fight. You don’t challenge an Uchiha clan head lightly because that’s basically saying you’re starting a coup.)_ _

__This is not me arguing that Butsuma was a cannon domestic abuser. I wrote this in because it was what worked for the world building in this story._ _

__I’m a domestic abuse survivor myself and this is behaviour that is familiar to me, on both the part of the abuser and the survivor._ _

__I’m not going to moderate the comments because I’m trusting you all not to yell at me or each other about this. I am loving how we are all bouncing ideas off each other in the comment threads and it’s really feeding my creativity and drive to write._ _

__Please don’t kill that for me and everyone who is following this story._ _

__Please - be careful of all of our feelings, and don’t tell me I’m wrong about portraying Butsuma this way._ _

__Thank you._ _


	2. Why the Senju didn’t react to Butsuma’s Abusive Behaviour

Domestic abuse like this is generally hidden, and in a culture where physical punishment of children is allowed, it can get really out of hand quickly. In my experience, the abuser starts with the official punishment fully intending to stop at the preset end - and then just doesn't. And people look away because they are good enough people to assume that it's not abuse.

That experience I wrote about with Butsuma backhanding Tobirama to the floor?

It happened to me. In the staff room of my school when I was 9.

And not a teacher lifted a finger to stop it. There were about 8-10 of them.

Not because they were bad people, but because they were shocked, surprised and then their hindbrains convinced them that it was not their place to confront a parent about how they treated a child.

This is the experience I used to describe how the other Senju treated Butsuma. They looked away not because they were bad people, but because the culture said not to interfere and he had enough control not to escalate in public beyond what they wold tolerate.


	3. How Hashirama Deals with his Trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:
> 
> In answer to a comment from Fangirl1356 on Chapter 23 of _Escape and Evade_
> 
> _It's not really...healthy, for Hashi to behave like this. When you had mentioned before that he tries to be happy all the time to save Tobi from worrying, I didn't think you literally meant all the time. Because he lets Tobi feel his chakra all the time too, so doesn't that mean he doesn't take breaks for himself to feel negative emotions either? And like you stated, if you keep on suppressing your emotions, it inevitably comes out much worse and more extreme in like a huge burst. And then the cycle repeats. I had assumed, wrongly I know now, that Hashi had been easing this destructive behavior after Butsuma died. But he's not. He's still letting Tobi feel his chakra, which is fine, but he's still terrified of Tobi freaking out so he's still suppressing._
> 
> _I just wonder if Hashi is going to live like this his entire life. I hope, with time and patience and the help of his loved ones, he will heal._

No Hashirama will not live like this forever.

When he married Mito the year before Butsuma's death, she was appalled by the state of the clan and the domestic abuse. She is very, very sane and immediately realised all the attendant political problems his death by Hashirama's hand would bring to the clan, but she mitigated it as much as she could.

And it helped. Having an outside presence in the house of a domestic abuser forces them to put on their 'outside' face as long as the outside presence is there. Just her presence shielded them.

Additionally, she is a Princess - higher than Butsuma on the lineage ladder of their social structure - of a clan which was supplying him resources he desperately needed to fight his war. He couldn't afford to offend her.

So the normalised abuse stopped almost instantly in her presence and they all took advantage of it. Tobirama was invited to join them on their isolation period post marriage as a conversational partner for Mito and a bridge to pass on orders to the Clan for Hashirama. He spent as much of his time in public as he could.

She and Hashirama also plotted ways to isolate Butsuma on the battlefield, making him a vulnerable target. And it worked. The Uchiha targeted him and killed him. (An example of Hashirama and Mito rules lawyering Tobirama. It doesn't just go one way.)

Mito also realised the same thing you did. Hashirama needs to relax his control. He doesn't suppress. He knows what he feels and acknowledges it. He just doesn't let it leak out unless he's in certain spaces. Under certain circumstances, usually when Tobirama and he are together, Hashirama can feel as dark as he needs to. He can also do this with a whole list of people Tobirama trusts with his safety or in locations Tobirama classifies as safe. The people list includes, but is not exclusive to - Mito, Madara, Izuna, Toka, and Kikiyo. The location list includes, but is not exclusive to - the office and at home.

This is another reason for Hashirama to want the move to the Village - the old Senju compound has a lot of bad memories for both of them and was making things worse. Being in a new place, with people they both trust, has made things a lot easier.

Hashirama distracts himself as much for himself as for Tobirama - because he doesn't want to think about Butsuma either.

Basically, if they're apart and Hashirama is in a location or with people Tobirama doesn't trust and Tobirama feels certain emotions or a chakra spike - he panics, teleports over to check on Hashirama, and freaks everyone around them out.

They decided this was easier. Because they're shinobi.

Mito wishes they would both get therapy.

SO. MUCH. THERAPY.


	4. The Death of Hagoromo Miu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to go to some very dark places.
> 
> It is going to look at the inside to Butsuma's head and his internal rationale for his actions.
> 
> It is going to describe exactly how Tobirama was sexually assaulted as a child of 8.
> 
> It will also detail _explicitly_ what made Tobirama think it was a good idea to _deliberately_ put himself in that situation.
> 
> Take care of yourself and read with your own mental health in mind.
> 
> Please, I care about you all.
> 
> Stay safe, stay sane.

So here's what happened with Hagoromo Miu:

Senju Kawarama was killed by the Hagoromo Clan. This is cannon.

In the timeline for this AU, that happened when Tobirama was 7 and Hashirama was 9.

Over Kawarama's grave Butsuma said that Kawarama died a good death, a Shinobi's death.

Hashirama lost it and started shouting about how death was a WASTE and this is what PEACE would PREVENT.

In cannon, Butsuma hit him.

In this AU, Tobirama stepped in and took the hit.

Butsuma's trust that his two oldest kids were his obedient child soldiers was shattered.

He knew then that they had minds of their own.

Over the next year, Hashirama started up his own pro-peace faction within the Senju. It was small, because he was 9 turning 10, but he was clan heir and was already manifesting the Mokuton so the Senju as a whole knew he was definitely going to be the Clan Head and were already preparing accordingly.

Butsuma saw that he was being replaced by a 9 year old, saw a peace faction of shinobi forming - shinobi that might choose to leave the Senju if he didn't change his war hawk policies, and decided he needed to muzzle Hashirama.

Enter Tobirama.

He made Tobirama the whipping boy for Hashirama. (See chapter 1 for more details if you want to know how that went.)

It worked.

Hashirama and Tobirama were effectively neutralised within the clan - they didn't dare cross him anymore.

Butsuma was pleased and got on with trying to win the war.

The next year Itama was killed, Hashirama went to the river - and we all know what happened there.

That happened here just like it did in cannon.

But when - just like in cannon - Madara chose his family, Hashirama chose PEACE.

When Hashirama referenced being unable to stop himself from contradicting Butsuma back in chapter 13 of _Escape and Evade_ ( _After the Run (Again) - Hashirama and Tobirama_ ), this is the incident he was talking about.

_"Wood grows wild and he has never been able to be anything other than himself."_

This was it.

Again, he couldn't stop himself. Again, Hashirama chose PEACE over Butsuma.

This enraged Butsuma.

The heir he thought he'd suppressed, was rebelling AGAIN.

He needed to punish Hashirama so terribly that he would never contradict Butsuma again.

So he assigned Tobirama to kill Hagoromo Miu, the head of the Hagoromo Clan - ostensibly because the Hagoromo had killed Kawarama, but actually to punish Hashirama for rebelling and Tobirama for not stopping him (see: sensor abilities).

Then Tobirama had to kill an old experienced kunoichi who - as the head of her clan - was extremely well protected.

That meant no long range strikes - they wouldn't work.

He had to do it up close and personal.

In a moment of vulnerability where no one would think him a threat to stop him.

He needed an opening.

And there was one.

Izuna said it in chapter 30 of _Escape and Evade (Omake - Escaping and Evading)_ : Hagoromo Miu was a pedophile. She liked to have sex with kids.

So Tobirama planned out how to get Hagoromo Miu to choose him as a sex partner.

He couldn't be a random pick on the street - for that he'd have needed to hang around the Hagoromo clan for a long time until she picked him and there was too much chance of discovery since his colouring makes him distinctive.

He couldn't be a slave - he could arrange to be bought, but there was no guarantee she'd pick him for sex.

So he went with pretending to be a Maiko.

Now a note on Geisha.

Historically, Geisha were not prostitutes. Geisha, often known as Geiko in Kyoto, are entertainers.

Sex is not part of the deal when one hires a Geisha.

I'll quote for this bit since academics do a better job that I will:

_"'The word “geisha” translates as “artist” (“geiko” means “child of the arts”) and is used only to refer to adult, female entertainers who have completed proper training and passed through the rituals associated with becoming a full-fledged geisha... As the title suggests, geisha were entertainers and hostesses, trained as singers, musicians, dancers, and practitioners of tea ceremony.”_

Basically Geisha in feudal Japan were beautiful, desirable, but untouchable.

They were like female models today - explicitly alluring, but unobtainable.

in feudal Japan there were only two ways to guarantee sex with a Geisha.

I'll quote again:

_"A geisha might have a patron whose gifts (and, sometimes, monetary payments) entitle him to special privileges (including sex), most of a geisha’s interactions with the men who paid to share her time were not sexual in nature. “_

The name traditionally used for this patron by the way, is 'danna'. It is also one of the terms used in feudal Japan for 'husband'.

Now becoming a danna is complicated. Effectively, it's a limited marriage and there's lots of negotiations and ceremony around it.

Not something Tobirama could arrange to happen - too much chance of exposure.

BUT the OTHER way to guarantee sex with a Geisha was perfect for his purposes.

A Mizuage.

I'll quote again (and you can tell that I did a bunch of anthropological work on the Flower and Willow World can't you...):

_"Mizuage (水揚げ, lit., "hoisting from water") was a ceremony undergone by apprentice oiran (kamuro) and some maiko (apprentice geisha) as part of their coming of age ceremony and graduation._

_For kamuro, who had often already lost their virginity, a patron would pay for the exclusive privilege of being a new oiran's first customer; for maiko who underwent mizuage, it formed part of a number of ceremonies and occasions used to mark graduation into geishahood, including symbolic changes in hairstyle and official visits to benefactors. Before the outlawing of sex work in Japan, maiko who underwent mizuage would see patrons and benefactors bid large sums of money for the privilege of taking their virginity, a sum of money the okiya (the geisha house an apprentice was affiliated to) would take entirely.”_

Since people would bid hugely to take a Maiko's virginity, Tobirama could guarantee himself access to Hagoromo Miu's presence and he could guarantee that she would want to have sex with him - _if he was DESIRABLE ENOUGH_.

So he practiced.

He mastered all the kunoichi tricks for presentation, learned how Maiko act and mimicked it, feminised himself with make up (see: Hashirama's thoughts about going into Tōka-kun’s room thinking Tobirama was being tortured only to find her putting make up on him back in chapter 13 of _Escape and Evade_ ), and presented himself at the teahouse used by the Hagoromo for relaxation and claimed to be a Maiko offering a mizuage.

(Usually a rich person in Japan will have an exclusive relationship with only one tea house. It was not hard to figure out which one the Hagoromo used, especially for a shinobi, since they only showed up there.)

Then the okasan who ran the tea house would have had to inspect him to prove his virginity. (This was perfectly normal for Maiko at the time and could be _very_ invasive, but was usually impersonal.) She was working with him after all - Maiko become permanently associated with the teahouse they use for their mizuage. The teahouse takes a cut of the mizuage money, but the Geisha works with them after. They don't want a stable of bad Geisha. In effect, Tobirama was bribing the okasan who ran the teahouse to work with him and give him access to Miu.

Tobirama was unphased by this - it was like a doctor's appointment for him. Being touched in a private place but with an someone who treated him impersonally and efficiently? Perfectly fine.

Usually the okiya of the Maiko and the chosen teahouse would work together to advertise a mizuage, and the okiya would take the money earned from the mizuage. The teahouse would negotiate to get a cut of that.

The Maiko would get nothing.

By presenting himself as a Maiko without the protection of an okiya, Tobirama was an unknown - no okiya to vouch for his skills. The inspection would have been thorough. He had to pass it - that’s why he worked so hard.

On the flip side, the tea house got to take all the mizuage money, not just a cut of it.

And he was exactly the right age for Miu.

They were eminently bribe-able. 

It was agreed. The mizuage was announced. All the high ranking Hagoromo bid like mad and - as Tobirama expected - Miu topped them all.

(There's prestige to taking a Maiko's virginity in a mizuage. Unless she found him absolutely repulsive, she couldn't afford to be out bid - it would have made her look bad socially. She would have been announcing that she didn’t have the resources to outbid her own people.)

Then Tobirama had the access he needed.

They had the ceremony binding Miu to him as a temporary Danna, and Miu took him to bed in a specially prepared room in the teahouse.

She leered at him, pulled him into her lap, and instructed him to seduce her.

He pretended to like it, sat on her lap, leaned in to whisper in her ear...

... and stabbed her in the ear with a senbon.

She died instantly.

He dragged her to the bed, arranged her to look like she was sleeping, stripped himself down to a sleep yukata and went to sleep next to the DEAD BODY.

The next morning, he leapt up, ran out of the room screaming about how someone snuck in and killed his danna, wailed hysterically, and appeared to break down weeping.

The teahouse okasan summoned the Hagoromo.

(Side note again: There are no body guards in a Geisha teahouse. Geisha maintain the absolute privacy of their clients. The Prime Minister of Japan could be in the room next door to you and you wouldn't know. Bodyguards make that kind of thing difficult. This was another big plus for Tobirama.)

While the Hagoromo were charging up to the teahouse, Tobirama vanished.

Left.

All the make up that Maiko use was a good disguise.

Geisha traditionally wear wigs.

They wear gorgeous, flamboyant, distinctive kimono - none more than the Maiko.

They talk in a special, playfully seductive pattern - incredibly distinctive.

Nobody saw that Maiko again.

Tobirama, a scruffy street rat, left the Hagoromo compound.

He went home to the Senju.

And broke down in Hashirama's arms.

His coping strategies all failed him.

He arrived in their genkan, still dripping wet from a storm, chakra exhausted from running home all the way, and collapsed on Hashirama.

Hashirama got him cleaned up, tucked him into bed and curled around him to protect him from the world, whispering comforting nonsense.

This was what Tobirama used to do to Hashirama to persuade him not to kill Butsuma, just the other way around.

And that's how Hagoromo Miu was killed.


	5. What Happened After

That’s the story of Tobirama’s one and only honeypot mission.

He will never send anyone on a honeypot without their explicit and enthusiastic consent. 

Now this has a few impacts on this story.

The first is that Tobirama knows all the presentation tricks used by kunoichi to look inviting and seductive.

Knows them well enough to perform them.

When Kikiyo uses them on him - he knows exactly what she’s doing.

No one is leading him around by the dick. Not happening.

Kikiyo knows this - he’s a known challenge.

She _likes_ it.

But Tobirama can’t bear to teach these skills to anyone.

It’s all wrapped up in trauma for him.

This is why he never taught them to Ichika.

Secondly, Tobirama will never call Madara Dana even though it is absolutely the correct honorific for the difference in their ranks and the time period.

To him, Danna means Miu.

Madara figures this out immediately upon hearing what Hashirama said about Miu.

He put together mizuage, Maiko, and Miu - and knew everything I just explained, just like Izuna did.

They will never expect Tobirama to call Madara Danna either.

This is why, when Tobirama wants to be respectful towards Madara’s higher rank, he has to use Goshujin-sama.

Finally, Tobirama will never willingly choose to be feminised again.

Never.

He may become Yome, but he will never be female.

He will always be the strong, terrifying figure in blue on the battlefield, and the warm loving man in the village.


	6. Why I Didn’t Let Anyone Rescue Tobirama from Miu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In answer to a comment from Zanahoria on Chapter 30
> 
> _"funny how, in thinking of Tobirama as a victim, you didn’t automatically assume he’d have taken care of it himself, isn’t it?"_
> 
> _Personally, that was not so much my assumption as much as a wish for someone to show they cared to violent extents. Seeing it written, I realize having the opportunity to fight your abuser carries satisfaction too (might even help assuage misplaced guilt for being weak). I just... having support, KNOWING that someone will come to your aid no matter the wreckage, that's important too._

First, let me tackle the apology:

*wince* Sorry.

I didn't mean to dismiss your perspective or imply that you didn't want the best for Tobirama!

I do understand what you mean about that violent revenge enacted on his part would have been very affirming, and I agree.

I did consider having Hashirama jump in and save him right after he killed Miu.

But that would have made him a _victim_. Of someone who abused him.

And I didn't want to write him that way.

(Maybe, it's the survivor in me.)

I guess, it's just... I wanted him to _claim_ that, you know? That triumph.

He set out to do something in the most awful of circumstances and manipulated events to take advantage of the cultural blindspots to actually DO IT.

He had to arrange events in exactly the right way, and spot exactly the right openings to achieve it.

His plan was CLEVER and RUTHLESS.

I wanted him to be able to think to himself that it was a SUCCESS.

Despite the cost.

He achieved his mission objective, he came home to his Anija, he proved to Butsuma that he would protect Hashirama when Butsuma set him up to die and so traumatise Hashirama...

HE DID IT.

He completed a mission that was supposed to be a suicide mission.

Everything he set out to do - he did.

If he thinks of himself as needing to be _avenged_ , that means he was _abused_. That he was _weak_. That he _failed_ and needed to be _rescued_.

And he wasn't.

Not any of it.

This way, he was in control the whole time, achieved all of his objectives, and got away clean.

He didn't break down until he was home and safe.

By any measure in a Shinobi's life that's a total success.

Even Izuna, spy master of the Uchiha, his best friend who he trusts absolutely, never knew it was him. Even Izuna, who knows him so well, is impressed.

So he had a bad experience on a mission, but he came home safe and he completed it against impossible odds.

He'll count that as a win.

And so will I.


	7. After the River Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for physical violence against a child of 9.
> 
> This chapter is going to go to a very dark place.
> 
> It is going to describe exactly what happened between Butsuma, Hashirama, and Tobirama before, during, and after the incident with Tajima, Madara, and Izuna at the river.
> 
> Take care of yourself and read with your own mental health in mind.
> 
> Please, I care about you all.
> 
> Stay safe, stay sane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In answer to a comment from KuraKura0_0 on Chapter 52 of The World Building of Escape and Evade
> 
> _And then the river incident.... Oh man, I can see the abandonment issues also floating around in Izuna's head and also to Tobi's too. At that time, both Izuna and Tobi's main company and friend would've been with their brothers. They train, eat, play, and live together pretty much 24/7. And then to go from that right away to separated from their brothers and brushed off for both Madara and Hashirama to seek out each other without Izuna/Tobi... yeah not fun._

You're absolutely right about the abandonment issues.

As you can see from this, Izuna basically dealt with it by trying to be everything that Madara could possibly want, and becoming a terrible overachiever and his own harshest critic.

Tobirama never really got a chance to develop any abandonment issues after - he had them before.

Thanks to his own sensory abilities, he know that Hashirama was off meeting an Uchiha at the river, only a short while after their younger brother Itama was killed.

He'd been the whipping boy for Hashirama for over a year at that point, and he knew that Hashirama needed an outlet that wouldn't put more pressure on him to toe Butsuma's line.

So he didn't say anything.

But the whole time Hashirama and Madara were meeting, he was thinking "I'm not enough for Anija. This is the only way I can protect him, so I will."

And, as soon as he felt Tajima and Izuna heading for the river, he told Butsuma what was going on and they headed for the river too.

It was only when they got back that Butsuma truly lost it.

He threw Tobirama on the ground and started beating him within an inch of his life.

And when Hashirama put himself in between them, screaming for Butsuma to stop...

Butsuma took a deep breath, and announced that Tobirama would have to kill Hagoromo Miu. For Kawarama. For the brother whose death made Hashirama rebel against his Clan Head.

And then he left the room.

Hashirama was left with an almost unconscious Tobirama who was still trying to comfort him and the knowledge that Butsuma was willing to kill his brother to control him.

He wrote to the Uzumaki Clan Head the very next day.

**Author's Note:**

> On a completely different note, I set up a server on Discord to discuss this series and you can go poke me there: https://discord.gg/JWZckgxBwf
> 
> EDIT: I'm so sorry the link was broken! I changed it and hopefully this one works!
> 
> All the warnings for this series applies to any content that may be found on there and I swear. Just FYI.


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